बातें

काला रंग और काली रातें, जेब में रखी ढेरो बातें, निकली हैं कुछ कहने को, रंगो से फिर लड़ने को, सुन कर मुझे दोष ना देना, हंस कर बस यूँ टाल ना देना, माना मुझमे पंख नही है, बंद होठों पे रुकी ये बातें, आँखों में इज़हार हो गया, प्यार मेरा स्वीकार हो गया, महीनो की आँखों से बातें, होठों से हसने की बातें, पर जब से है बोलना सीखा, जैसे सब बेकार हो गया, गूंगी बातों के चक्कर मैं, प्यार मेरा लाचार हो गया, घुट घुट कर मारती हैं अब, फँसी जहन में बहुत सी बातें, उड़ने की कोशिश में गिरती, अधमरी सी मेरी बातें, कह के भी हैं टूटी फूटी, बिन कहे दम तोड़ती बातें, आग लगी जब मॅन के भीतर, खुद को ही जलाती बातें, रात नशे मैं बुदबुदाती, सोच रहे सब कहाँ से आती, कड़वी पर सुरीली बातें, मस्तियों मैं नहाती बातें, कुछ बातें सीधी हैं जैसे, कुछ मेरी कविताओं जैसी, पूछते हैं बहुत से लोग, कैसे लिखते इतनी बातें, मैं फिर भी चुप रहता हूँ, एक टक सबको देखता रहता, गर आता मुझे बोलना तो, क्यूँ लिखता मैं इतनी बातें...

Bad-dream-minton

I really cant remember when I first played badminton. I never knew that I will go so far while playing badminton. I dreamt of participating in NBA, playing cricket for my college team (haha, a very long story though), being the best defensive player in volleyball and one stylish ass hole in football. But badminton no, and that too I am now thinking of a badminton related tattoo on me. I know that is a little too much for a 35 year old, regular but not so good player, wanna be professional in sports, to think of. But this is what I am made of. Dreams essentially. Do whatever you do but dream for something day in day out. However far or unreasonable it is, but it is my right, duty, option, best pastime, no option left or a way of life. That is it. And this time it is badminton what I am hitched to. so be it. Dreams take me away from what I do in daily life and from what I am thinking continuously about. I was never an all time thinker. I used to be on the other side of it. Mostly blank in my thoughts. Blank in the content people talk about. Blank from inside of the ambitions. Blank which I am still to fill with some thing meaningful. I know writing to fill some blank spaces will not solve the purpose. But it will either put some black ink in the white space or put some structure to so many thoughts going in the mind. Coming back to how badminton is helping me fill these white spaces is kind of routine. When your body pushes you towards a fitness regime, you don't have a choice but to pick something and I picked badminton. Fortunate that I got a gang in which everybody pretends to love the game. So we play and drop and smash and defend and toss. what!!! yes play with our ambitions, drop the ego, smash the thoughts in air and still defend our positions that we will succeed and still get tossed by life. So be it. Let me not stop playing badminton and let not the dreams come in between filling these white spaces. What will I achieve out of it is not to be seen. I know that this question never comes in mind but I get an answer everyday.

मैं रहा हूँ संग पतंगो के...

कोशिशों के दायरे और सपनो के सीमाएँ,
दूर कहीं उड़ती हुई पतंगो की यह अदाएँ,
मैने रंग देखे हैं पतंगो के,
मैं रहा हूँ संग पतंगो के,

उड़ता था मैं रोज़ उनके साथ,
काटता था कभी और कटता भी,
दूर कहीं जाकर गिरता था,
और फिर हर शाम धीर धीरे,
घर वापस आ जाता था,
सूरज को ये भी कहता,
की कल वापस जल्दी आ जाना,
मैने पैसे लिए हैं मा से,
कल भी तो पतंग उड़ाना है,
सपनो में रोज़ उड़ जाना है,

मेरा मॅन और मेरे किस्से,
थोड़े सच्चे थोड़े मीठे,
सॉफ नीले आसमान मैं,
मेरी पतंगो जैसे उड़ते,
उड़ना हक है जैसे इनका,
बातें करना मुझसे हँसके....

Empty Spaces

Once she leaves me alone in the bed,
I do not have any choice but to rest,
I look around for the things she left,
I get nothing but an empty space,

Space where she was sleeping,
With her own cozy soften tenderness,
And when I have nothing to grab,
I grab a piece of softness from her bed,

I turn around and sleep in her place,
Just to check whether I am still awake,
Thinking and smelling her presence,
She was certainly there in that empty space,

It made me wonder that I can feel her,
I still remember that chilling winter,
I was sleeping alone, talking to her,
So loud and so much clear,

Let me sleep at least in the empty space,
Let me catch her all over again,
Let me be with this little thought,
Let me live with her a little more…

सपनो की एक नयी चाल

डोरी फिर उलझ गयी आज,
सपने बुनते बुनते,
अभी तो मैं सोया ही था,
सपना भी यह पहला ही था,

उलझन से शुरुआत हुई,
सपनो की एक नयी चाल हुई,
उलझ उलझ कर रहते हैं,
मेरा मॅन जैसे ये पड़ते हैं,

क्या मैं इन सपनो को,
अलग नही रख सकता हूँ,
सपनो की इस दुनिया मैं,
अलग नही जी सकता हूँ,

Life is moving on

After completing almost 8 months after MBA, I am all set to have a peaceful life?, very ambitious career?, will be filthy rich one day?, will have my own company?, will be working for society?. All these question marks have been there and are still there. What do I need do to do to remove these question marks from my life? Now that is the important question I think. If you can’t beat them join them. That is what the success mantra should be.

But never the less I know the art of achievement. What if my career does not provide me the sense of achievement and appreciation to me? What if my life is not forcing me to quit my job and start over some business? What if I have even stopped thinking about joining some NGO? What if it’s been long since I have actually achieved something great non-materialistically?

So a little analysis before we come to the final conclusion. If I categorize the different times of life then primarily there will be three categories. One when you are down and out. Everything seems not working for you. You are generally in a deep shit. Fucked up with your life, relationship, career, money everything you crave or may crave for that matter. Very similar to what Indian team faced during the recent England tour.

Second would be when you are on a high. When you drink and dope to the death. You buy a lottery ticket and you get the prize too. You go for a vacation to Thailand and Goa with your girlfriends. You are the most important person in the office, star of the month types. You have a girlfriend and a wife too. You are driving the car you never thought of.

Third would be the general life in which you wake up on Monday and don’t want to go to the office. Your tummy is slowly but steadily increasing. Your learning curve is stagnated since long. You have not been hurt/thrilled/happy/sad/fucked since a long time. Basically there is not much difference between you and the flower pot in the house.

So if we see the total life time it is very natural that almost 80% of our life goes in third type of time which is stagnate living. 10% on high and 10% on low!

Every part of time has its importance and there is an art attached to live every part. Like when you are on a high don’t go overboard, I mean you should be able to come back to normal rather than slumping all the way. Low in life is best for learning. The most important lessons of life have been taught in that phase. So one must and must think through this time and learn the art of learning during this time. Also low is generally followed by a very high period. So more and more lows in your life and there are chances that you are going to make it big. Because life will force you to do something which you will never do otherwise.

And then the third and most dangerous one, Normal life! Don’t train yourself to live with the normal life. Very dangerous for the so called achievement and growth in life! But what we essentially need is to understand the art of achievement about which I had talked initially. This art of achievement during the normal time is also important so that you don’t see your life moving on in front of you and not able to do something about it. How to achieve and grow is still a question but need for this achievement and growth is required and one must and must strive for that.