Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Take a Chill Pill and be happy without a Reason

I know I have been writing poems/blogs as stupid as the paintings I make, and it does not benefit anybody in this whole world but that is what I like to do best in my free time, in my busy time, in my extra time and in all sorts of different times I have or I can have. So I am up to it again and will not stop before completing this genius work of art i.e. writing this blog.

In the beginning I wanted to write about happiness but the hangover turned my attention towards headaches. So it is a kind of trivial situation of happiness during headaches, which I think is a little awkward situation to write about. After drinking a couple of liters of water to safely negotiate with the dehydration, my stomach is still swollen with water inside. It is not my controlled tummy but it certainly is the water which is acting as a reason for the abnormal growth. In the midst of everything lunch time has arrived and now I have to oblige the food as its kind consumer.

I ordered for a plate of happiness as the dessert after my lunch. The lunch was very good. Very fulfilling I must say. They call this dessert as happiness as they might intentionally want you to realize the feeling when you eat it. He took more then ten minutes to bring it which is usually high with the standards of this busy restaurant but there might be some purpose of this delay I guess. They might want me to wait for my happiness and then relish it and realize it fully, once I get it.

This is how I am being fed with the happiness now days. I order it, wait for it, eat it, realize it (optional) and then pay for it. These are the few factors on which happiness is dependent. How much is the price (affordable or not), how much I can wait, how much I can eat (too much of it might not be good for health), even after eating I am able to realize it or not, and then whether it deserves the price they have quoted once the time of payment has come. Analytics have frozen my mind and heart too. And my happiness is dependent on the analysis I will be doing after having my share of happiness. Probably I should learn some tricks to sharpen my analytical skills or should do some crash course to be a well analyzed-capable-planned-happy man or should I take a Chill Pill and be happy without a Reason.

Monday, November 9, 2009

हँसना मत मेरी कोशिशों पर

Tring Tring
Me - Hello, may I speak to Chetan please?
Her - May I know who is speaking?
Me – It’s me Vikas, you know me, right?
Her - Yes I know you, so what’s up?
Me - Nothing great, actually I was thinking about you since quiet long and finally believed that I should talk to you about this. I want to meet you once. Will you meet me?
Her - I have told you before also that its very difficult for me to come to meet you.
Me - Just once, its been long since I am thinking about it.
Her - Ok I will think about it.
Me - Cool! I will be there in few more days till then you have all the time to think about it. Chalo will see you then bye and take care.

I was left with a sum of 1 dollar in the prepaid phone card I bought at the port of Jacksonville and this is how I used the card.

My life on board for the next one month was a bit different. I have got one more reason to sign off and do something which I have been craving to do since last 12 years.

She was the first love of my life. And still she is ‘the love’ of my life. She is the one who made me realize that ‘we boys’ are different from ‘those girls’. That was love at first sight. I still remember that sight. Clearly! That is one of the few childhood memories I still carry.

हँसना मत मेरी कोशिशों पर,
मेरी भावनाओ के इस इंद्रधनुष पर,
मानते हैं की जुड़ते नही,
अंत इन अंतहीन इच्छाओं के,

पर मेरी कोशिशों की कुछ तो वजह होगी,
इंद्रधनुष के रंगो में कुछ तो रोशनी होगी,
बेवजह नही बदल देते रंग वक़्त की परिभाषा,
प्यार की कहीं तो कोई सूरत होगी......

Monday, October 26, 2009

Painting and drawing the happiness

The ‘Reinvent Yourself’ class started with the introduction of the professor. I will not write the events as they happened but would pick them in a little different manner. So here you go…

I wish my name would have been happy singh. ‘Why’ you will ask and the reason is very simple. As soon as the professor told us to draw or paint happiness, people would have come to me and painted me with colors. On a more serious note, suppose if we would have had a girl named khushi or happy rani in the class. Phewww…no more serious thinking I guess.

So to continue on a rather light weight issue of identifying the happiness spread around us and then giving it a shape was truly a great exercise and can safely be assumed as a common thread of the full 3 days of rehabilitation. Don’t you consider yourself a little stuck in the present habit regime and want to shift to the next vicious circle of few better habit regimes and this time with lots of attitude and skill. So to rehabilitate yourself you must go through the full program and after that you will be reinvented. You will be able to notice that you sneeze too loud in the office, you have not cleaned the dead skin of your foot since long, half-sleeve shirts and shorts are not so formal, you don’t use hindi in between while talking to somebody, many more things which till now you were safely ignoring.

Attitude and skill, that is what I will be building there. Like a gym where you do the bench press with the weights more than the combined weight of your head, arms, heart and lungs. And this is exactly what I will be doing to build the so called attitude and skill - pressing the benches (classes) , books, quizzes, professors, mentors, seniors, soft targets, hard targets, imaginary targets more than I have done till now. And for that I have got all the reasons now as nobody will ask me ‘why’ are you doing so?

To be a little specific now one among us drew a calendar having all the days of the week as Sundays and was really a wonderful way to draw the happiness. But these guys seem to be a bit ahead in the thinking and Sunday is no more a holiday there. Instead they prefer a Thursday for a holiday. So is it a plan to convert our lazy Sunday happiness into busy working unhappiness of any other day or it is again a part of reinvention that we should start enjoying our busy working unhappiness. They really have the plans of reinventing our happiness it seems. So the next time they tell us to draw the happiness we should draw a calendar having all its days as Thursday and people will think that ‘oh how lovely, this guy seems to be liking his work a lot.’

I am sure I will be a ‘better defined human’ after this whole issue if not a better human. I will be able to draw more and clear pictures of my happiness and the happiness of people around me. So let me walk towards that better defined human and please don’t ask ‘why’!!!!!!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

मैं बस बेवजह समय काटना चाहता हूँ....

बेवजह समय काटना,
कितना आसान और कितना मुश्किल,
सुबह से ऐसे बैठा हूँ जैसे काम का अंबार है मुझ पर,
सोचता हूँ ऐसे, जैसे सो ख़्याल हैं दिमाग़ में,
किसको दिखा रहा हूँ, कि व्यस्त हूँ इस अव्यवस्था में,
जीवेन की दौड़ में और रास्ते की खोज में,
परछाई का रंग लाल हो रहा है जैसे,
सूरज कहीं कहीं से फिर खो रहा है जैसे,
पकड़ सकता हूँ अपनी परछाई के रंग को मैं,
ऐसे ही मान जाओगे या कर के दिखाउन मैं,
मेरा रंग जो भी हो परछाई तो रंगीली हो,
अपने मॅन से जो सपने देखूं हू थोड़े तो नशीले हों,
वैसे तो आप ही आप को खिलाते हैं रंगो का ये खाना,
ना जाने काला रंग किसको है निभाना,
रंगहीन सी जिंदगी और रंगीली ये परछाई,
सालों से तस्वीरों में दिखती ये तन्हाई,
निकल कर बाहर आज फिर लुट गयी है,
अव्यवस्थता की गहरी खाई मैं कहीं डूब गयी है,
मेरी तन्हाई दे दो मुझे की मैं नही चाहता रंगो में नहाना,
मैं बस बेवजह समय काटना चाहता हूँ......

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Conversational Genius

I am feeling a little thirsty. Can you get me some water please?

Who asked you to drink so much yesterday. I guess doctor Krishnan must have prescribed you to have 4 large pegs of SINGLE MALT to cure the loneliness.

Why you females always think that we become ‘rickshaw wallas’ after drinking. BTW did you notice that lonely girl in the party? Why was she looking so sad?

Was this an after effect of the divine drink or you are generally very ‘observative’ in the parties.

I keep my eyes open, so that I can see the beauty around regardless of my state. But now the little finger of my left foot is asking for a drink. And this time it is plain water. And I want to help her desperately.

I also want to help you, not so desperately though, but just wish that it would be ‘he’ not a ‘she’ whom you are so craving to help.

See you are not even good at wishing things. Wish more babu, wish bigger, with an open heart.

I too had a heart once upon a time. But now in the vain to protect everything from loosing, I just don’t stop and couldn’t feel that I have it any more.

This TV is so full of shit and especially these news channels. Look now they are reporting about a dog that travels in Mercedes. Whatever…

I have not seen this painting, which I made when you proposed me, since long. Oh god its so…..can you tell me that story of rose and daal-chaawal once more.

You know where that story ends. So you want a pictorial demonstration or a voice conference will be ok for you ma’am!

Your little finger of left foot wanted some water I guess. I will get it for the poor fellow. Can we go out for dinner today?

Can We?

Your sense of humor is just fantastic. You should open a humor designer firm and consult people to increase their level too.

You know this forum ‘22 knots’ of my college alumni, right? Mr. Basu wrote a one liner. Everybody came up with a suggestion. Few analytical one, few helping one, few a little criticizing and few are just plain observative. Finally that led to Mr. Basu hoping in front of his computer screen.

I hope you are not telling me this because we just did that.

Come on we are not like this.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

My Stories in 55 Words

I tried to write three stories in 55 words. Here it is....


The old blade messed his grown beard more than his relationship. He has plans of sealing the lips and life with a kiss. The broken mirror didn’t let him see his face. She hated unpleasant surprises. He didn’t want to surprise her either.


I was born smiling and thought that I will die also like that. I saw her and I smiled. I saw her sleeping in my arms and I smiled. Every time I smiled I almost died. Today she left me. I couldn’t smile. I don’t want to live but couldn’t smile to death either.


She loved her mirror. She could look back in past with that. She was beautiful and wanted to be more. Her face in the mirror was a thing of past. Her mirror though told her about the comparatively less beautiful present. She threw it to run away from present, but lost the past too.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I m Patient

How much time do you take in there! Hurry up, I also have to empty my stomach.
Look, there is only one thing which I specifically do not like and that is to wait, so please do not make me wait. And come ASAP.
How slow is your typing? If you will type at this speed we will be in the office for the whole night. Come on now, do it fast.
Why the fuck are you pressing the horn. Do one thing, get a pair of wings and fly over my head. Idiot!
Why are you kissing me so impatiently! Relax! Just feel the touch, do it gently, you will like it better.
I wish I could read a bit faster and could finish all the five articles in 10 minutes, shit man! Why I am such a slow.
Last few days on board and then I will be a free bird again. God is just great.
Life is running on a fast track. I will finish my beer fast and will join the race.
While watching movies on the VCR last night, I forward the songs and boring emotional scenes. I like fight scenes and only watch fight scenes at the original pace.
You know what, my dad caught me yesterday while watching English movie on TV. As it is I waited for one and a half hour for a ‘scene’. Finally got caught and couldn’t see anything.
These articles about lifestyle in the newspaper are so boring. Why do these people always preach us about being patient?
Mom, can I sleep a bit faster? Just like a jet plane! Sleeping and again waking up faster!
If I breathe slowly as they do it in yoga, I don’t get enough air to breathe and that really suffocates me. This breathing slowly really seems a little tricky.
Get married soon, and start your family then. What are you waiting for now?
I am a patient of lack of patience. See I am not even patient enough to be a proper patient.

Thursday, September 3, 2009


अब आज जो निकले हैं, दम भर के निकले हैं,
मेरे अरमान थोड़े नम से निकले हैं,
बाँटते थे यह नमी हम हर सुबह की शबनम से,
मौसम जो बदला तो बारिशो में नहा कर निकले हैं......

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Indepence Day Special

The subject line of this message may remind you of some local train started on Independence Day, but certainly that is not the purpose of it. The purpose is more of a social kind. I am sure all the readers are socially very active and do a lot for our society. To continue with that spirit, let’s make some resolution on this not-so-special occasion.

1. We will always follow the traffic signal, even if it makes a fool out of us. We will never cross a signal if the light is red. Never mind we are crossing the road or driving the car.
2. I know nobody of us spit on the road and from now onwards we will not also puke on the roads and will try to have a plastic vomiting bag if we have the slightest idea that we are going to get drunk while coming back home. One more step would be to stop others from spitting, if possible.
3. No unnecessary pressing of horn pad, press something else easily available which will give better sound then the horn. But keep your hands away from the horn.
4. A message against smoking or drinking and driving or drugs would be great on the number plate of your vehicle. Instead of keeping it too simple lets have some stylish number plates.
5. Give seat to oldies and kids in bus, train, plane, movie hall wherever possible without any second thought of justification that it is right or wrong.

And last but not the least; keep that smile on your face always. May be nobody had told you before but you look really cool when you smile.

Jai Bharat

Thursday, August 13, 2009


Making girlfriends earlier was a little dangerous issue. First of all it was taken for granted that if you have a girlfriend, you will marry her. Coupled! Coupled not just with the girl but with the commitment, with the imaginary love, with the heroics if your girl is an item, with the body guard kind of feeling in the attempts to stop other gunda boys and with the excitement of meeting the first love of your life!

Secondly if somehow you will not be able to marry her then it automatically makes you mamujaan. Never mind the reasons why you did not get married. Many of my friends became mamu’s quiet proudly. Few more fortunate ones became mamu more than ones. And few legends are still alive in the hope to become a mamu some day.

Love was the driver and lover the passenger in the coupled car. No matter what we will become one day but it was our duty to love and that we did. Loved with everything we have and everything we could have. And finally died as a martyr dies…became mamu.

Mamu or no mamu but I still wonder very few of us could make our girls bua. We used to wait till the girls forcibly marry somebody who is not at all of their choice. Then the life comes to a halt, to a dead end, to an unfillable void, to the irrecoverable moment. You become serious in life. And you forcibly marry somebody else.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Mental Constipation

Rains have affected the thought process I guess. Though I prevented myself from getting drenched but I guess something is still washing out everything in my mind. Sometimes it’s good to have your drains choked, I suppose. So that you can hold on to your thoughts and ponder upon them! It is good to realize/observe yourself rather than just let the time and the changes in your thought process to go by. So it is good to be a little mentally constipated.
On a different note, why all my drains are open is also a question to ask. May be I was pursuing a temporary goal and was focusing so hard that I forgot to stop by and observe. It happens many a times that you loose interest in the thing which you like to do most. May be because of the temporary goal or is it a sign that I am moving on? Moving on from my present mindset to another one which has different priorities and different goals!

So mental constipation or free flowing change, I do not know what to chose as I told you I am not able to hold on to anything now.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Life Span

How much do I think my life span is? Life span does not mean the whole life time. It means like for a single aim or for a single motive how much time do I live in one stretch. I am saying one stretch to focus on that particular time span I spend thinking about that issue or that aim. For example I am writing this blog and my entire mind is thinking about it. No food, no drinks, no hot, no cold nothing but just this blog. Give it a little thought before getting carried over. When I am getting ready for the office I am thinking about my work. When I am working in the office I am thinking about the weekend bash or a night out watching movies. I am getting carried over by this thinking in the middle of my working time. So I consider my life span for working time to be that time in which I was totally focusing on my work. That was for an example. Now think in general how much is your life span for a particular aim? How much time do I spend thinking or working for that aim? My focused and concentrated efforts in that direction. No distraction of food, comfort, thirst, future, dreams, past, pain. The moment I get distracted my life span has ended. Suppose I get distracted by food and I started eating. Then my life span for eating has started. Now if I start watching TV in the middle of my food my life span for food has ended and for TV has started. This is the way I live. In life spans!

My whole life consists of such very long and very short life spans. If I want to achieve something then I should dramatically increase my life span for that purpose. The more I think and work for a single aim the more chances I have of achieving that. This is certainly how it goes for all the physical and non-physical things. Car, house, business, success, meditation, salvation! Almost everything which can be achieved in life. Meditate more and better and you will reach to a level of zero thinking. Basically to a better level!

Now think about decreasing your life span. Decreasing in the sense that focus on the smallest possible activity you are doing. If you are walking focus on your legs. If you are typing focus on your fingers. Observe your body more than thinking about it. Life span of seconds switching from one body act to another body act. And gradually where will you reach….
I leave this post here for you to think. I have successfully conveyed the idea I think. Coming to a conclusion will be more like forcing my thought process on the reader.
Do write your conclusion in the comments section. Feedbacks are the best to know whether I have communicated or not?

P.S. – Meaning of Span (one of few) according to the dictionary.
1.The distance between the tip of the thumb and the tip of the little finger when the hand is fully extended.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Call it my less equipped house or call it an old habit, whenever we eat or drink we tend to put everything on the newspaper. The purpose is to protect the floor or the table. Thanks to all the local supplements or the typical page 3 articles of the newspaper that the newspaper serves more purpose than just a protecting cover. In the middle of any discussion you can safely escape to have a good ‘eye-tonic’, as the chances of the people with whom you are eating or drinking to be beautiful are very less. So why not give some food to your eyes while drinking.
One of my friend’s ‘rate of escape’ later in the drinking session increased noticeably. His involvement in the present discussion hence reduced. He was gazing at a perfect strategically revealing picture of Cameron Diaz. And he was really trying to avoid his glass being kept on the picture.
Few more drinks and few more long escapes. And this provoked us to know the exact reason behind it. With almost an impeccable innocence he said ‘I don’t want to put my glass on the picture as the curves in the picture might topple my glass and I don’t want my drink to get spilled all over her’.
Who says pictures are not lively. After all it is in our own mind which makes thing livelier than they are. One of my all time favorite line also supports this ki ‘नशा शराब में होता, तो नाचती बोतल’.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Heat Detector

I am being more and more ambitious now. I want to have a heat or smoke or flame detector fitted in my brain. For the very simple reason that I should get a clear sign before my brain catches fire. A lot of criticism I have faced from self and from others for letting my mind burn and for not able to have a control over this fire. I must criticize god, if at all he is the creator, for making such a faulty machine which does not give alarm. Almost all the machines made by human gives alarm and then you can control the situation before it’s all finished.

Irreversibility of the process/running machinery makes it a complicated issue. The operation/process of all the machines made by man is irreversible. If an engine gives an alarm and you do not attend to it, it will have breakdowns. And once it is done it is done. You can not restore it in the earlier state. That is what we are afraid of and that is specifically why we have alarm equipped machines. So my search for this brain heat detector is now more and more intense. As this can protect me from breakdowns! And certainly I am going to find a technologically (read logically) savvy product soon!

But doubting god’s ability and comparing his ability with ours is not suggested. As it is I am facing a lot of heat for expressing my illogical views about god. And somehow I believe that the probability of creator creating better is little less. Like if god (nature) has created us then certainly we need much more varied aspects to be like him (nature). And safely assuming this I can say that the machines (fitted with alarms) created by man are no better than man. That means that my not having alarm is better than the machines having alarm.

If such is the case then why it is so? Why I am not fitted with an alarm and why it is still better. What if I do something today and it goes wrong. Can I make up for it? What if I can not achieve what I want to today? Is life really an irreversible process? How much a span of n years matters over a span of 2n years? What will I get if I will have an alarm fitted in my brain which will prevent me from doing wrong? How much my doing wrong effect the big picture? What is the big picture?
Deal these questions separately.

May be I am not fitted with an alarm because I should be able to make my life reversible. Reversible in the sense that today’s anger will be tomorrow’s strength and today’s missed opportunities will be tomorrow’s motivation. I feel that not having sense to sense is ok. And if at all I will sense it (in future) I will make up for it. Be reversible, at least try to be one and then you will be free from all your fears and certainly will have a good process i.e. LIFE.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

दोस्ती हो तुम या दोस्त मेरे

दोस्ती हो तुम या दोस्त मेरे,
एहसास हो तुम, या साथ मेरे,

मन की विपदाओं को,
और जीवन की सच्चाई को,
उत्साह से झेलने का एक सहारा,
और चिर हर्ष लिए तुम पार्थ मेरे,

पहलू मेरी पहचान के,
मिट्टी मेरे ख्वाबों के,
जीवन रूपी शाक के,
फल भी तुम, फूल भी तुम,

तस्वीरों में रंग हो तुम,
मन में कुछ रखा समय,
और परछाई हँसी की जैसे,
तुम शीतल मधु और पर्याय मेरे,

कौन हो तुम बताओ ना,
खुशी साथी या ख्वाब,
या तुम प्रतिबिंब मेरे मन का,
दोस्ती हो तुम या दोस्त मेरे…

Friday, May 8, 2009

Baby Lovers

The topic of general talks is shifting gradually to babies now.
‘You know she stares at me like that whole night’.
‘He is really a terrorist’.
‘I have quit smoking cigarettes and started chewing nicotine gum’.
‘You don’t know, I am still single’. ‘So what, you don’t need to be married to have one’.
‘My family is pressurizing us to move ahead’.
‘Let me finish my studies before we move ahead’.
‘I will arrange for a place then you can come over.’
‘I can not live alone; it’s high time we should do it.’

All sorts of different situations, different responses from people but these responses have one thing in common. They all are filled with lots of care and concern and yes ‘Love’.

Love the married ones feel for their new born/yet to be born babies.
Love the bachelor ones feel for their babies (girlfriends).

Disclaimer - This post is certainly dedicated to all baby lovers. The comments above are not a work of fiction but can easily be noticed among day to day conversations.

May your love for babies grow more and more! Amen…

P.S. - Read it twice. First as if you are talking about your new born/yet to born kid and second as if you are talking to your girlfriend.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Few Thoughts and a Calendar

The air combed my hairs, hugged me, held my hand, filled my heart with joy and touched my soul. Loneliness can make your senses more sensitive I guess.
I liked standing on the upper deck, walking peacefully on bridge wings, staring endlessly at the never ending sea, letting the air touch my soul again and again. I stood there almost every day. I thought of the same thing almost every day.
My life at sea was barely more than a few thoughts and a calendar. A slash across the date was never so meaningful I guess.
I lived in very limited co-ordinates, though I was travelling the world. Life was a little dimensionless I guess.
I signed off after 6 months. Leaving something, you have lived with quite some time, was certainly never so pleasant I guess.

Monday, April 27, 2009


‘Why don’t you buy a TV’ is the most common advice I am getting these days. Or a few will express it in a more shocking way. ‘You mean you don’t have a TV’. There are many more things which I do not have for that matter. But TV just stands out of all these. I am still single, becoming fat and do not have a moon reaching career seems unimportant when my not having a TV issue comes up.
One of my very good friends forcibly bought me a TV tuner card so that I can watch TV on my laptop. But little did he know that I will not accept it so easily. The card is still packed intact and occupying a very big portion of my not so big shelf.
Few suggested me to buy a second hand TV, just in case it is the matter of money. I also can sell the second hand one and will not end up paying much. But my slightly uneconomical mind does not agree to that either. In the recession times I guess these ideas will work wonders for both the common man and companies.
Seems that having TV gives you a Tele----Vision means a more clear and future oriented look on your thought process. Or may be it is like wearing a U@#$%^&*@. ‘Oh you mean you are just relaxed today’.
TV is like a ‘Biwi’. For bachelors very much loved and useful and for married another affair. What more you can ask for when both husband and wife are having an affair with the same thing.
I never was a visionary and will never be; I guess (till I buy one Tele---Vision). But if you really want to kill the time without even noticing, TV is the one.
But somehow I am trapped in this whole mess as I do watch a particular TV show on my laptop via internet. This does not weaken my argument of having a vision free life. As it is I am not doing anything to achieve my vision; if at all I have one!!!!

P.S. - Replace TV with Aim or Vision or Goal and then read...May be it will make more sense...But for me it still remains the same.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Kona-Kona SWOT Analyis

I am playing a game of kona kona with my Self, Wealth, Opportunities and Threats. With me as the person who is trying to find a safe place.
Let me tell you a bit more about this game. We used to play this game in school when we were kids. Four people will occupy the four corners of the room. Fifth person will be corner-less and will try to get a corner for him as the others will be exchanging corners/places.
Though this is not a rule but the one who does not have a corner is teased by the others who have it and/or have exchanged the place/corner making a fool out of him. It is somehow inborn in us that we do not like anybody to make fool of us. Fools we are. Are not we? My self realization is dependent on others reaction.
My self and wealth exchanged the position. I tried to grab the position of wealth but got a bit late. Now my self is acquired by wealth and in hope of wealth I lost the place of self. So what am I left with? No self and no wealth. Self is in position of wealth. I wanted wealth that is why I ran for it but could not grab it. They both teased me a bit.
Wealth seems to be very cunning. He exchanged the place with opportunities now. All bloody wealth is converted into opportunities so now if at all I take the place of wealth I will only get opportunities and then I have to take the hard route to convert it into wealth.
All this while there is one thing which was running in mind continuously. There is something which I exactly did not want to happen. I do not want opportunities and threats to exchange place. I mean I do not want my opportunities to convert into threats. That is why I was keeping a constant eye on the opportunities and threats. Because of this self and wealth exchanged position many times. Effortless transition from one position to another! This transition somehow distracted my concentration and there you go. Bloody opportunities and threats have exchanged positions. Now everything is turned over on its head.
Final SWOT Analysis
I am left with no self and no wealth as I could not occupy any place moreover both has made a joke out of me. Wealth many a times converted in opportunities and finally opportunities converted into threats.
This certainly is not my favorite game any more.
If I get a safe place I will probably stick to it. That will make it worse as I will never be able to acquire other different places.
Play ‘I spy’, play ‘suraj chhand’, run for the ‘cheel ki parchaai’ but do not play kona kona and if you have to play it choose your mates carefully.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Words of Wisdom

'International Airport' Andheri wala. and I sat in the auto.
I had taken bath before leaving home so I was very relaxed and planning to have a good silent conversation with self in the auto ride. but my planning lived only for a short while and a speed breaker(Broken road) broke the silent trip as well as the silence of the driver.
after customary welcome slangs he started to wonder at the sorry state of the roads of mumbai.
'I don't know why they cant make good roads in mumbai, after all they are earning so much in mumbai.'
'now a days even election time does not provoke leaders enough to keep their basic promises.'
'rich men are getting richer and poor do not have the place to sleep and a thing to eat.'
'bumbai main bahut paisa hai. people are even earning on phone. just talking to each other and earning dalaali.'

Hold on cowboy! Its my turn now.
'Are you from M.P.' I asked. 'How do u know' with a big smile he said.
That was the first time he smiled in the full conversation(one sided).
'Accent u know', 'I had a knack for accent.'
I myself did not know that I will say such a thing ever but i just did. Strange!
now he introduced himself more formally before putting his views on the general sorry state of everything. Since last 34 years he is an auto driver in mumbai. and he can talk about almost everything you say or think.
'Mumbai main agar power cut ho jaaye to this place will be a dead place. Only 24 hours electricity is keeping this place alive.' totally agreed.
'I have seen murders happening on the mumbai roads. nobody cares for anybody.'
'I also had the chance of going to dubai and making it big when I was young. but I was too scared to take that chance. gaanv ka budhdhi hai na isiliye. You have to travel via ship and you dont know when you will be back in india. scary scenario'
'Oh you are working in a software company. Lage raho. ek naa ek din aap successful ho hi jaaoge' quiet impressive words of wisdom, i must say.
I think I like talking to strangers. Especially drivers. I dont know but I could always have a good conversation with all sorts of drivers.
I gave him the fare. He did not even looked into the meter to cross check.
'It was nice to have somebody from our side(though i am not from M.P. but not being from mumbai and being from a neighbour state, makes me from his side)'. We exchanged smiles and I turned back and left.

Friday, April 3, 2009


दिल के
इन ख़यालों पे,
हम लगा देंगे,
तू मत आना,
की अभी
बाकी है,
सपनो में,
बग़ावत की
एक उम्मीद
बाकी है,
मैं सो जाऊं
लुट जाए,
ये भी तो,
जायज़ नहीं,
सुबह सुबह
मैं कहीं
खो जाऊं
ये भी तो
जायज़ नहीं.........

Friday, March 20, 2009


बेमतलब सी बात का हिसाब हो रहा है,
जानते हुए भी कोई क्यों कुछ खो रहा है,
हाथ बड़ाने की वो अधूरी सी कोशिश,
रेत पर बने सपनो के ये निशान,
मुठ्ठी मैं कस के पकड़े रेत के कुछ ख्वाब,
ओस की बूँदो में नहा कर निकले हैं..

Thursday, March 12, 2009


बड़ी देर तक हम उनसे नज़रें मिलाते रहे,
क़ि वो अफ़साना कुछ तो बयां हो,

निगाहे उनकी कुछ कहती भी थी शायद,
पर हम ही कुछ यू समझे,

यूँ ही होता तो ये अजब सी कशिश
अधूरी सी बातें शायद ख़त्म ना होती,

मेरा ये अधूरापन सवालों के जवाब देता
मैं फिर बेवजह मुस्कुरा कर कहता
कि मैं आज फिर खुश हूँ,

खुश ही हूँ शायद अपने इस पन पर
अपनी आरज़ू के इस बेरंग से पैबंद पर,

समेटकर आँखों में मेरी यह सारी डोर,
मुड़ जाती हैं आज भी कुछ इच्छाएँ बेवजह मेरी और....

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


अनछुआ मैं बहुत साल से,
छुपा हुआ था अब तक,
छोड़कर अपना अस्तित्व,
बदल रहा हूं भेस अब,

चाहत जो थी एक दिन,
अब उसी का नाम प्यार है,
प्यार बदला इच्छा में,
इच्छा अब ज़रूरत है,

चाहत में तुम कहीं नहीं थी,
प्यार तुम बिन प्यार ना होता,
इच्छा थोड़ी स्वार्थी है,
ज़रूरत पर तुमसे परे है,

चाहत में तुम अनजान थी,
प्यार में तुम सहमी सी,
इच्छाओं में तुम चाहती मुझे,
ज़रूरत में तुम्हे प्यार चाहिए,

दोषी कौन है इस व्यथा में,
असमंजस या अनजान अपेक्षाएँ,
या असमय मिलन समय का,
व्यर्थ है अब सोचना भी,

ना रह पाओ अगर अनछुए,
छोड़ अस्तित्व कहाँ जाओगे,
ज़रूरतों को प्यार बना लो,
समय को तुम फिर से चला लो......

Saturday, February 28, 2009

अनजान शहर

अनजान शहर और दूर एक मंज़िल,
जाना पहचाना सा रास्ता और सीने मैं एक दिल,
कभी दिल के बहुत पास, तो कभी बहुत दूर,
मगर यह दिल जीतने पर मज़बूर,
प्यार करना ही नही आज लक्श्य मेरा,
जीत कर हार देना ही आज भाग्य मेरा,
पाकर खोना चाहता हूँ तुम्हे मैं,
जैसे मरकर फिर जीना चाहता हूँ मैं,
उस प्यार की तलाश में
उस अधूरेपन की तलाश में,
मैं बड़ा जा रहा था,
दिखी तुम उस समय की तरह,
जो महसूस करने से पहले बीत गया,
याद रही उस सपने की तरह,
जो सपना बन कर रह गया,
चाहत उस घाव की तरह,
जो भरना ही नही चाहती,
तुमने आकर मेरी तलाश ख़त्म की,
जैसे जीवन जीने की आस ख़त्म की...........

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

पानी की बूँद

आसमान से थोड़ा प्यार टपका
और रोस के बालों में आ के अटका,

पानी की एक बूँद थी शायद,
या हवा की वो खुशबू,

सब लोगों के बीच मैं जिसने,
सिर्फ़ रोस को ही पकड़ा,

अपने अपने मॅन के किस्से,
अपना अपना पागलपन,

प्यार अगर जो दिख जाता,
या फिर थोड़ा छुप जाता,

रोस हमारी हँसती रहती,
और प्यार उसे सब मिल जाता...

P.S. रोस is Rose...

Monday, February 2, 2009

Completely Incomplete

Trying to write since many days but could not write a full meaningful thing. So few completely incomplete stuff...

नम है फिर आज मेरा मॅन
और आँखें साथी मॅन की
होठ मेरे कंपकँपाते
हाथ भी हैं थरथराते

बोलता कुछ और ही हूँ,
चाहता पर कुछ और.....

one more...

नींव मेरी मेरा मॅन,
पानी सा मेरा जीवन,
ढल जाउन किसी भी रंग मैं,
पर बहुँ बस तेरी ओर,

तुम हो जैसे एक सागर,
मैं अगर नदी बन जाउन,
मिलता हूँ पल पल मैं तुम मैं,
मॅन तुम्हारा पर बड़ा विशाल,

और कभी बारिश मैं बन के,
मुस्कुराहट ले आता हूँ,
रूप तुम भी हो बदलती,
मैं तो बस पानी समान,

one more

यह कौन मेरे शहर मैं नया आया है,
अपने रंग और अपनी हँसी साथ लाया है....

now the final incomplete one

Blind by choice
Deaf by noise
I am breathing pain
in my own my world...
Travelling back and forth
with empty heart
sitting helplessly sad
with my smoke filled self
I am watching you
going some place else.....

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Self Centered

I do not accept many things which I should have. Even when I know I am wrong. Few things should be the way I want them to be. Not right or wrong. More we learn in life more things from wrong zone shifts to the right zone. Means my domain, to do wrong and still find a reasonable reason to support it, increases. But sadly only my domain to do wrong increases! My expectations domain does not change. I can do wrong but I cannot accept anything wrong. The more I learn or should I say grow, I should be more acceptable, more understanding. Instead I become more particular and more self centered.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Doctors Farm

Doctors Farm
The place belongs to a doctor and indeed he is a doctor. It works like a filtering machine which will filter all your stress and will leave you relaxed. You can call it a nature therapy, a stress buster or a chill pill.
Got up at 0530 Hrs (seems that we have to get ready to go to school) and still could not manage to reach on time. Some unavoidable circumstances, as we always call it. Started at around 0700 Hrs from powai. Reached the first meeting point. A gang of around 30. Off to kolad for the weekend.
First stop at Kamath – Missal paav seems to be the breakfast referred by all the health conscious guys (those who are consciously not doing any exercise even their beer bellies are growing more than the India’s GDP growth rate). Slightly unhealthy breakfast followed by a super cool fag. Not to forget all the crispy chips and juice on the way.
Glowing green seems to be the theme for that particular day. Amazing, glowing, green morning. We reached the place after one more hour of green bath. Thanks to the flawless navigation by G and M and few interruptions by one local cowboy and gaon ki goris who told us the right way to reach the place.
We checked in a dormitory which was designated for girls and girls checked in the rooms far away from us. Everybody jumped in the bed and few like me slept like we have come there to sleep. Then started the typical ‘Boys dormitory’ fun. It was like somebody had pressed a refresh button and all our college days memories got refreshed. One hour of most intellectual session of the trip. Few who were very unlike me took the initiative and decided to go to a waterfall. Seems exciting but not indeed until it was announced that beers will also be following us. These beers, I don’t know how, but reaches almost everywhere we go.
Before leaving for the waterfall we had a small sports break and almost everybody showed their impeccable skills. Sports reveal a totally different self in us.
The way to waterfall was a one way road not by choice but by chance. Our car and a bus had a head on meeting in the middle of the road. Then finally the bus driver agreed to take the bus back to a point from where we can cross each other without colliding. We had to park the cars on a bridge, two ways for a change and we used the other way for parking. So after all this little interruptions we reached to the semi-final destination. Final destination is to have fun and we will reach there too.
The water fall was not very big but enough to bring out the kid in us. We all wanted to reach to the point where it was falling. Few took their own way and few helped others in making it there. Good weather, good company and certainly a very good place to chill and relax.
It was around evening when the second session of the trip began. The party. Half open place like a room with ceiling covered and one side opened to a river and the other to the guest house. The next thing which turned out in the favour of the party was that there was no mobile signal. Place was far away from highway to have network. Nobody was busy on phone. Everybody had to sit there. Party started in a very gentle way. Everybody was having drinks. Quietly talking to the people around. Music in the background. Everybody relaxing. And in between some people will get up and start dancing to the ‘pappu cant dance’ and ‘main tally ho gayi’. Then after a couple of drinks Somebody gave the brilliant idea of making a punch as we used to make in college. They mixed almost everything. Beer, whisky, vodka, black rum, white rum, sprite, water, lemon, ice, few small insects which were flying around, all the tangy sweat and lots of flavor to make it just wonderful.
Party started to pick up the pace faster than us. And we have to take few quickies to reach to the level. The mood was totally changed. Everybody screaming and dancing. Few decently and few not so decently but enjoying. It stretched for about 5 hours. Drinks, dance, music, food, jokes, push-ups, poetry, fun, smiles, laughs, joy. It was just the perfect ending of a wonderful day.
This brings to the end of part one. Part two has got little different experience. Adventurous might be the right word.